The past week since the accident has been dreadful. I haven't slept well one single night since. This isn't because I'm thinking about the accident, but I'm just on edge. I keep forgetting little things and getting into careless scrapes. But also my bad luck has continued.

Two days after the crash, I left work early for a doctors appt. I've been putting this apot off for way way too long. I'd scheduled and cancelled for over a year. And finally, I was sitting in the doctors office... when I found out the wait was going to be over an hour and a half. Well, I had my first class scheduled that night. (I had double checked the schedule this time.) So I had to cancel my appt again and leave for the class. When I got to the class room, which was locked, I waited for ages before deciding to go home as no one else showed up. I was so mad. I left an important appt. and had to take 3 hrs vacation at work to pay for my missing time -- all for nothing.

A couple days went by with only minor fiascos. Then someone got hugely mad at me. And I think we're still not talking. So I became even more distracted and it was even harder to sleep. Then the day of the next class.. (I'm trying again) I go out and forget to put gas in my car. I also forget to take money or credit cards. So after going to a 3 hr class that last for 1/2 hr. (intro stuff, argghh!) I'm driving home, and my car shuts down. One week from the crash, I'm stranded by the highway, waiting for AAA to bring me gas.

My head is totally spinning I got practically no sleep last night. These are just the highlights off the queerest week ever.

I am such a flake. For those of you who didn't know this, the following may be enlightening.

We've had wind, rain, and dark skies from a hurricane down south. And yesterday was messy. On my way to work, I noticed a huge 15 passenger van stopped in front of me to make a turn, so I put on my brakes. Nothing happened. The van was pretty far ahead so I decided I go around it. But when I tried to turn my steering wheel, nothing happened. I just kept heading straight and didn't even slow down. So yeah, I smashed into this guy's rear. The air bags exploded, my windshield shattered... blah blah. I'm actually okay except for some slight bruises, a sore knee, and a headache.

The police came and I didn't really even bother to give a defense when the other driver said I hit him - which I could be cited for. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "It's a wet day." Subtle. So then the cop asks for our licences. And I didn't have mine - which I could be cited for. He just kind of gives me a look and says "What's up with that." I grimaced, looked around for a defense, but I couldn't find one, so I just said "I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry." He just shakes his head at me and comments on it just not being my day. He suggested I sit in the back of his squad car. He said it was to get out of the rain, but I couldn't help thinking I was being arrested.

He was able to pull up all my information with my registration. The address on my licence isn't current. So he informed my that I could be cited for that. Also, I didn't have my insurance card in the car, even though he found the information, he said that he cite me for that. In the end, he didn't cite me for anything except for being a complete flake. And my dad came and took me home.

So I get home. And the days not over yet. My parents convinced me not to go to work. So some time floated by until when I had to leave for class. It was at a campus I had never been to. And my dad decided to take me. We got lost twice from the directions he printed out before called my sister who told us we were in the wrong town. I have no idea how that happened. So then we headed to the right area. I actually had forgotten to get the room number, so she gave that to me too. When we finally got to the school, I was so late, but I tried not to worry too much. I went into this office building. It was very empty and quiet. When I came back down, I asked the security guard where the classes were. He said that classes didn't start until tomorrow. I felt so stupid.

"Houston, we have a problem."

Epiphany. It is so amazing. Honestly, how revealing. The first time this happened it hit me like a cold Pacific wave. In the middle of a conversation, I was asked a question. But instead of giving my typical happy confident replies, I tilted my head to the side, stated that I was going to be completly honest, and slowly admitted that I simply didn't know the answer to that question. People are so shocked, surprised... and impressed when this happens, their eyes go wide and they start spluttering comments about my humilty and maturity.

Inside, my ego is screaming with disgust. I'm totally embarassed by my deficient knowledge of a topic that's significant to me. But I have evidence from work, home, and social encounters that it's okay. I really don't have to know it all.